Food for thought 3/2023: Sisterhood vs Sister Wounds

 

If I want to live true sisterhood, I need two things: high trigger intelligence and a long, hard, uncomfortably honest look in the mirror.

 

What is my relationship with my female relatives like? Which triggers are still active, which wounds have been allowed to heal?

 

How do I deal with women outside my kin? For example, with those who fully conform to the beauty ideal of our society or even exceed it? How do I look at those who are far from it?

 

How do I react when men's eyes are glued to my best friend but not to me?

 

Do I withdraw my sympathy and compassion from highly sexy and beautiful women because these “male magnets” have (supposedly) always had it so much easier in life than I?

 

Do I devalue a woman who puts significantly more pounds on the scale than I do, and secretly rejoice that MY hips, belly, legs, butt are so much less voluminous than hers?

 

Can I celebrate the success of a friend, a sister in my circle, as much as my own? Can I “allow” (instead of begrudging) this woman the perfect partnership? The children I could not (or did not want) to bear? The professional success I don't (yet) have? Or will I turn green with envy?

 

When faced with the choice of supporting a close friend or not leaving my husband alone tonight ... who do I prioritize? Is the decision I make the same every time?

 

What about older and elderly women? Can I show them affection, appreciation and due respect for their wisdom and accomplishments in life?

 

Do I succeed in aging gracefully? Or do I fear aging like the devil fears holy water because I know that our society only gives the label "valuable" to young and beautiful women?

 

Do I, too, divide women into the patriarchal categories of "fuckable" and "unfuckable"?

 

Can I show myself in public without make-up (at least every now and then), or do I retouch every one of my videos and photos so that the world will continue to "love" me and not find out that I already have wrinkles and gray hair?

 

Am I part of a real circle of sisters? If so, is it a mix of women with different biographies, walks of life, different bodies and ages? Or do the pictures I post of my sister circle just carry (and perpetuate) the message of young, "fuckable goddesses" (a quote from a shadow sister of mine) to the world?

 

Can I talk openly with the women in my sisterhood about all that they trigger in me, or will I be ostracized and shunned for speaking my truth and addressing triggers?

 

Can I recognize that every trigger I find, always belongs to me? Can I separate myself from the stories I tell myself about my triggers? Can I perceive triggers as gifts and continue to grow with them in the circle of my sisters?

 

Can I say things to my sisters like, "I hated you for XY, but I also love you for Z"?

 

Does a conversation borne of heartfelt and radical honesty deepen my bond with another woman, or do we stop talking afterwards?

 

True sisterhood, i.e. sisterhoods of substance and longevity are based on openness of heart, honesty, courage to (lovingly) confront, joy in my sisters' accomplishments, my supportive love for them, and high trigger intelligence.

 

I am incredibly privileged to have a small group of women with these superpowers in my life!  A circle of women, wholly different from those of the “bathing mermaid sisterhoods” sprouting up everywhere these days.

 

Ladies, this is my love song for you.  ❤️❤️❤️🖤🖤🖤💝💝💝

 

 

 © Kory Wynykom, 2023